The House With A Blue Roof

I had been travelling by this route for quite some time now but never before had anything caught my fancy as has the house with the blue roof. It felt like a dream sequence. I was fancying myself living in a small cottage, with pristine white walls and a blue roof. The house was cordoned off by a series of tall palm trees, swaying their huge fronds in the morning breeze. Though the entire flick was seen through the window panes of my bus but it filled me with umpteen happiness. I smiled and carried with me the apparition for the entire day.

This particular envision rekindled in me the desire of building myself a small cottage with a small balcony leading to a garden. The balcony will be littered with the dry leaves of the mango and banyan trees that will criss-cross the length and breadth of my garden and I will have a rocking chair amidst the reeling twigs and leaves. The colored leaves of maple trees will add blush to my garden. There will be rows and rows of mango trees with branches bending with the weight of their mangoes. I just hope I can still climb up those trees and pluck them. There will also be a swing rooted in the garden. Every time the rain trickles through the dense foliage of the garden, I will be swinging along with drops of rain falling on my face. 

Time to wake up.... its only a dream, something unreal, a trance, a fantasy.... but again who can stop me from dreaming of my house with the blue roof. 

What is the positive in your negative?

At times human nature amuses me a lot.... We always find something to crib for, something to be unhappy for. The irony of our nature is we always are attracted to the more difficult paths in our lives and avoid the brighter shades. Isn't this the reason why when a smile can brighten our mood, we tend to think of something pitiful that would fill us with remorse and hatred. Isn't this also the reason why we have forgotten to keep ourselves happy? I too at times find myself enclosed within the negativity of life but then I feel keeping myself happy is my responsibility. This is when I start looking for the positives in my negatives. At times when your emotions are battered and broken, finding hope and affirming the reasons for ones own existence is something paranormal. But again if you want to exist in this World, you have to be a little weird, consider yourself a mystic with no attachments and emotions, no demands and hope ....... this can be the only way to keep oneself happy. 

Dreams..............

We will always fall short of achieving the perfect happiness and bliss. Life comes with its bags and baggage, sometimes we add to the load by our actions and sometimes our good fortune gives us someone to share the load. Whatever be the circumstances, it's not perfect for anyone of us. The beauty of living will be when we try to make it perfect. Everyone of us will somehow fall short of achieving all our aspirations and dreams but then again what gives life its sweet and sour taste is this struggle that we all endeavor to realize even the realms of our reverie...

I feel like standing on a podium, addressing a huge audience and shouting out aloud (just like Martin Luther King) about my silly fantasies. I feel like running in a clogged, jammed traffic with a loudspeaker in hand and declare that irrespective of how silly and far fetching my dreams are, I will never let them go. These are My Dreams, I own them, not to be laughed at but to be cherished by me.On days when life seems not worth living, I will live - for My Dreams!! 

I think that's what we all do, sail through the sea of disappointments and set backs, just like Sindabad The Sailor, and then land on the domains of our fantasies. Once we accomplish them, set up new muses and start day dreaming again.... sail off for a new horizon and still absurd realms of imagination. Our lives fulfillment depends on how ridiculous our whims are.

So, just keep dreaming....................... 

Sometimes it feels good to just let go.... It feels great when you don't have to worry about your past, present and future. It feels good not to ponder on why and how things happen. Sometimes you are at peace when you don't have any expectations from life. Take every second, minute and hour as it comes. It's easy when you are aware where your destiny is taking you to. 

I was saddened by an article in today's paper in which a young girl committed suicide because her boyfriend was harassing her. It makes me sit and rewind those days when I was going through a personal whirlwind and had decided that life was not worth living. I was so frustrated that even the thought of my 8 year old daughter did not dither me from taking this harsh decision.  

As I walked along the railway lines of the locality, waiting for a train to run over me, recapitulating the entire events of the past few years .... suddenly I was flooded with the faces of my parents. I remembered the helplessness in the eyes of my parents when I was in deathbed ( I had suffered from brain fever in my younger days and dr's had given up hope.) I remembered the resolute expression in my mom's eyes as the doctor pronounced that it was only a matter of time for me. Now when I remember that obsolete expression of hers, I  realize that she was already challenging God to dare and take me. I suddenly saw my 8 year old daughter standing near the doorway, helpless waiting for her mamma to come back. That's when I snapped off my present situation. That's when I realized that Life was actually beautiful and worth living because I had such adoring parents and a child who had all her hopes pinged on me. I could not let anyone else influence my decisions and matters of life. I immediately moved myself away from the railway lines and suddenly I heard the birds chirping and chanting's from a nearby temple. 

Still now, when I think of that dark day,I cannot contemplate how I could have ignored the importance of such beautiful people in my life. I could not envisage why and how I could allow strangers to rule my life when it had been so lovingly nurtured by my parents. That's when I made a promise to myself that whatever happens in future, whatever be the circumstances , my parents and my child will always remain my priority.I will never do anything that would make them living cadavers. I could not turn myself into an escapist and choose the easier way of ending my sufferings at the cost of their happiness. I thought of all the stories about parents with deformed children, of parents whose children were a disgrace to them and then I thought of my very beautiful and healthy daughter who had already started making a mark in the locality because of her intelligence and sweet behavior. I immediately said a short prayer and asked forgiveness from the almighty as he had already showered my life with his choicest of blessings, it was just my ignorance that I did not realize it. 

As I went through today's article, I wished the lady,like me, had an awakening at the right moment. Instead of taking such a drastic measure she could have confided in her parents. My heart goes out for the parents who have lost their precious gem.

 I do understand that sometimes circumstances block your thinking process and make you take steps that you would have otherwise never comprehended under normal situations. But again, if we keep on reminding ourselves that there are people out there whose sufferings are much worse than ours... we will start feeling lucky and privileged. We will start valuing our life.  

Irony of life....

For the last three days Salman Khan's 5 yr verdict is finding more coverage than the tragedy that struck Nepal. We seem to be more worried about whether an individual suffering from mood swings; "being Human" at times and then killing and abusing people when needed, be punished or not for mowing down innocent pavement dwellers.The entire bollywood is rallying behind Salman Khan against his 5-yr sentencing. Even noted singers like Abhijeet have come out openly in favor of the superstar, saying that the people destroyed in the freak accident deserved the fate because " sadak kisi ke baap ki jagir nahin hain ki jahan chahe so jaen" ( Pavements and roads are not personal properties that you will sleep anywhere you want). So, according to him, the victims of the accident were just having fun when sleeping on the pavement while "Duplex" flats with "huge bedrooms " in their names were waiting to be slept on! Come on Sir! if you had an iota of common sense you would know that the average income of the people dwelling on the streets is about Rs 10 per day... They eat, sleep, dwell on the streets not by choice but by need. But this penury of them gives no one the right to kill them, abuse them and make a farce of their condition. 

The kind of excuses that the elite society has come up with in defending the superstar has actually made a laughing stock of the person himself. It seems anyone with a golden heart has the right to drink and drive, kill and hurt people! So,next time even rapists, molesters and pedophiles with "GOLDEN" hearts will have their families and friends defending them with respect to their otherwise excellent behavior in the society. Are we teaching the society to ridicule the poor and needy or are we preaching the goodness of "MPD" (multiple personality disorder)? Are we saying that it is OK to turn on your demonic side as long as the society gets to see you being a saint most of the time? What a Farce!!!

I just returned from a big fat Indian wedding of a cousin. It was a cocktail of Indian traditions and western culture as this cousin is from New Zealand. The best part about these weddings is the platform it gives us to bond with our relatives.

I don't remember much about the actual rituals that took place but what I do remember are the long nights with my other co-sister in laws. With our kids safely tugged in their beds, husbands lodged in separate rooms, the three of us ( all wives of cousins) bonded like never before. Downloading the sorrows of life and later on having a good laugh over few pegs; all of us got a fresh lease of life. We were happy to find our kids too bonding well as they fought and again pestered each other into reconciliation.

Before the wedding I was a little apprehensive about the Indian ethos attached to weddings. I am not sure if the elaborate arrangements made to bring two different people together, is actually worth the pain taken... The vows and pledges taken in front of friends and families will be forgotten in a few years when these same people will become strangers for each other. But what this occasion made me realize is that the weddings are not about bringing only two individuals together but also the families together. In this world where communication has got "gazetted" with "LOLS" and "smileys" taking away the charm of a call.... it is only these occasional traditional get together's that helps us to reconnect with family members.

Deciding on what to wear for which occasion and then exchanging each others wardrobes, spending long hours in front of the mirror, doing each others make up and of course the mess created in the room... its so much fun!! I do remember one particular incident, when for the actual marriage function, the elders of the family were not happy with the saree that I had chosen. It seems it was too light for the occasion. I was in a fix as I had no extra choices with me and then my eldest sister in law comes to the rescue and brings out one of her sarees, mix and matching it with another blouse. The combination got approved from the elders and I was saved for the day!! On another occasion, an elderly of the family met with a bad accident and broke her hip bones. Everyone jumped to the occasion and made sure that she received the best treatment available, till her family arrived.

Each of us who took the initiative to be present in the wedding, have re-invented themselves as well as their relationship with their near and dear ones. This bonding which had somehow vaporized in the marathon of life got rekindled. 

May be it is true that marriages are not about two individuals but about families bonding and rediscovering each other.  Thanks guys for making this occasion so memorable and cheers to the newly wed!!

Being a mother..

I don't know how to drive a car but I give a damn.... I am not well versed in communicating in English, I give a damn..... I do not belong to the strata of women, who boast of  belonging to the fat salaried group and I give a damn for that too. I am so proud of myself and the reason for this high self esteem is the privilege that I enjoy of being a mother. Of course, there are thousands and hundreds of mothers on this earth but this article of my is an ode to all those who have never been recognized for their contribution to the mundane life.

I will take the example of my life. Having completed my professional degree course in Education, from the premiere institutes of India, I took up a job with a renowned school. Teaching was always my passion and that showed in my work as quickly I had gained a name for myself. In a tenure of just six months I was encouraged with two salary hikes and was about to be promoted as a senior teacher when I took a sabbatical for my child and this was a pleasure for me. I remember, since my in-laws were staying with me, they had offered to take care of my child that is if I wish to continue my job. I instead took the decision to resign and stay back as I have the notion that mother's and no one else in this world, have the most important role to play in shaping the future of their child. How we behave and act will leave a lasting impression on the child's future. So, with the firm belief that I should be around my child in her growing years, for the next seven years I switched off my professional line. Those seven years were a pleasure for me as I enjoyed watching my child grow and start to imitate me. But these were also the years when I had to overcome the desire to be financially independent, when I used to curb my financial needs as I was too shy and proud to ask my husband for financial assistance. These were also the years when I had to be very cautious regarding my behavior, as very often my very promising career from the past would come to haunt me and I would be thrown into depression. I remember an incident, when having gone through a very bad day, I had given my child a peace of my mind. The very next day, I found her using the same tone as my to express herself. Immediately I corrected myself and in doing so I asked forgiveness from her, explaining that it was not a very encouraging behavior on my part.

10 years have gone by and my child has now grown and I too have resumed my profession. But still now, my only prayer to the almighty remains that I don't resort to a course of action that will make my daughter feel ashamed of me. 

Sometimes when I am sitting alone and pondering on the different phases of my life, I hear a distant voice (my mom's), telling me " you will understand things when you too become a mother". I am a mother now and I feel sorry for the days when I made my mom's life miserable when she was trying to cope with my tantrums and her duties as a housewife and a teacher. With every passing day and year, I feel so very obliged to my mother who left a budding career to take care of me and my sister. When asked how she felt living an oblivious life, being part of a thankless society? Her answer has always been, "I am thankful for the life I got, I am thankful for the decisions I took because it gave me the strength to nurture the two gems of my life." --- Hats off to all the mothers!

Is this the solution we are looking for??

In the recent times Bangalore has seen a spat of sexual harassment cases of young children. I had been speaking to child counselor's to understand the psychology of a child who had to bear through this terrible and ghastly act. Surprisingly according to the child counselor and activist, 52 percent of molestation cases involve a male child under the age of 10. This came as a bolt to me as I believed that it was only the girls who had to face the wrath of  male lust! Anyways, the statistics provided by the agents proved that sexual harassment went beyond cast, age and gender.
As mother to a 10 year old girl child, I was worried mad as to how to protect my child from the predators around. As a measure I put my child into martial arts. Satisfied that I had taken the right step towards her safety, it came as a jolt to me when my daughter one day came back to say that one of the boys of her karate class would make odd gestures on seeing her. The very next day I went to the institute to have a look at the "boy" who turned out to be a 20+ MAN! I spoke to the instructor and immediate action was taken against the man but again my thoughts went back to the question- where and how can I keep my child safe?
The very next day my daughter brings a school circular stating that the management of the school had decided to employ only lady staff members. This step was taken keeping in mind the safety of the children. Initially I was elated, thinking that finally my daughter will be safe for the hours she stays in school. But then was this the ultimate solution? Will employing lady staff members solve the issue?
My daughter will be spending only a few hours at school and then she has to board a bus ( run by male staffers), she will be participating in various extra curricular activities (again conducted by male instructors), she will have to visit marketplaces and shops and face the world ( with more than half of the people being male). I can not act as her bodyguard all the time!! So, what could I do??
The answer came within my professional limits. Being a teacher, the onus lies on me to educate my boy's to respect the views of a woman and the first woman that they should start respecting is their mother. I am of the view that when a boy starts respecting his mother, he will appreciate girls in a better way.
May be this is the only way how I can help my child live a fearless life.